Making the decision to begin therapy is often one of the hardest steps. By the time someone reaches out, they may have spent weeks, months or even years wondering if therapy is right for them.

It’s natural to have questions.

What will happen in the first session? What if I don’t know what to say? What if I don’t even know what I need?

Interestingly, I remember having similar thoughts before my own first Somatic Experiencing session. I found myself wondering what I should tell my therapist and what they needed to know. Looking back, I realised I didn’t need to prepare the perfect story. I simply needed to arrive.

Before we meet, I’ll usually ask you to complete a registration form. This helps me understand what has brought you to therapy and gives us a gentle starting point. For those who would like to know more before deciding, I also offer a complimentary 15–30 minute introductory conversation. This introductory conversation is available both in-person and online. Sometimes, simply having the opportunity to ask questions can make the first session feel a little less uncertain.

Even then, some people walk into the room and say, “I don’t know why I am here.”

When that happens, my response is usually simple.

“No worries. Take all the time you need.”

There is no expectation that you have to tell me everything during our first session. Therapy is a relational process. We get to know each other over time, and understanding develops as we journey together.

Sometimes, people come knowing exactly why they are seeking therapy. Other times, they are unsure. They may only know that something doesn’t feel quite right.

That’s  okay too.

When someone isn’t sure what they want from therapy, we don’t need to force an answer. Instead, we become curious together. Therapy is a collaborative process. Rather than me telling you what you should do, we explore what feels meaningful and helpful for you.

You may have heard therapists describe therapy as “collaborative”, but what does that actually mean?

For me, collaboration is about ongoing communication and negotiation.

There are times when I ask open-ended questions to help you reflect on what has been helpful or meaningful for you. At other times, I may make suggestions based on my assessment of what I think could support your nervous system. If my suggestion doesn’t feel right, that’s important too. We talk about it. We adjust. We find another way together.

Therapy isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about discovering what works for you.

During a first session, some people tell me their life story from beginning to end. Others sit quietly, unsure where to begin.

Neither is right or wrong.

In the beginning, I usually allow more space for people to share because I’m also getting to know them and building our therapeutic relationship. Occasionally, I may gently slow the conversation down. When I do, I’ll usually explain why, so that it doesn’t feel abrupt or dismissive. There isn’t a formula that tells me exactly when to do this. I observe the person sitting in front of me and respond to what seems appropriate in that moment.

People sometimes ask what makes a “good” first session.

The answer is likely to be different for every client.

For some, they leave feeling lighter or more settled.

For others, emotions that have been held back for a long time begin to surface. While this can feel uncomfortable, it isn’t necessarily a sign that the session went badly. Sometimes, allowing yourself to feel again is part of the therapeutic process.

I’ve also seen people arrive looking pale, exhausted or disconnected, and leave with a little more colour in their faces or a greater sense of presence.

Personally, I don’t define a good first session by how much was shared or whether we reached a particular outcome.

A good first session is one in which the person sitting in front of me received what their body needed during those fifty to sixty minutes.

My hope isn’t that you leave having everything figured out.

My hope is that you leave feeling a little more connected to yourself. Perhaps you notice something feels different. Perhaps you become aware of your body in a way you hadn’t before. Even if you can’t quite put it into words, that awareness can be the beginning of something important.

Therapy isn’t always easy. There may be moments that are uncomfortable, confusing or emotionally demanding. Yet it can also become a journey of discovering yourself more deeply, one step at a time.

If you’re ready to begin therapy, I’d be glad to meet you.

If you’re not quite ready, that’s okay too. Sometimes, finding out a little more is enough for today.

Whichever you choose, I hope you’ll follow your own rhythm.

About the writer

Dominica is the founder of Soulmatics and a body-oriented psychotherapist based in Singapore. She works with adults and young adults navigating trauma, anxiety, burnout, grief and relational challenges, integrating somatic psychotherapy with counselling to support her clients in a therapeutic process that honours the Bodymind. Outside the therapy room, she enjoys drawing and running. You can read more about her here.