Many people imagine that feeling safe should immediately feel relaxing. Yet for those who have lived through chronic stress or trauma, safety can sometimes feel unfamiliar – or even uncomfortable.
Have you ever found yourself wondering,
“Why do I feel restless when everything is finally okay?”
From a somatic perspective, the answer often lies in how the body has adapted to survive.
What does safety mean?
When people hear the word safety, they often think about the absence of danger.
I see it a little differently.
To me, a safe and resilient body is one that has rhythm, flow and flexibility.
Our bodies are designed to move naturally between contraction and expansion.
There are times when our bodies need to contract and mobilise to respond to life’s demands. There are also times when they can expand, settle and recover.
Safety is not about remaining in expansion all the time.
Neither is it about never experiencing contraction.
Safety is having the flexibility to move between the two.
What happens after trauma?
Trauma often changes this natural rhythm.
Many people who have experienced trauma live with bodies that have become chronically braced or contracted.
Initially, this contraction serves an important purpose. It helps us survive overwhelming experiences.
The difficulty is when the body remains in this protective state long after the danger has passed.
Over time, this contracted state may begin to influence more than just the body.
It can also shape how we think.
People may notice becoming more rigid in their behaviours, their perspectives or the way they respond to life’s challenges.
Our physiological flexibility and our psychological flexibility are closely connected.
When one becomes restricted, the other often follows.
Why feeling safer can feel unfamiliar
If your body has spent a long time living in contraction, then expansion may feel unfamiliar.
And unfamiliar experiences do not always feel safe.
This is why introducing safety is not simply about helping someone relax.
Introducing safety to someone whose body has been bracing or living in contraction for a long time after trauma is really an invitation for the system to re-experience expansion without becoming overwhelmed.
This happens gradually.
As the nervous system experiences small moments of expansion that feel manageable, it slowly learns that it does not need to remain contracted all the time.
Over time, the hope is that the system regains greater flexibility to move between contraction and expansion.
What expansion might look like
People often expect that feeling safer means feeling peaceful.
Sometimes it does.
But often, the body’s response is much more varied.
Some people experience trembling, shaking or vibrations.
Others become tearful.
Some feel deeply tired.
Others suddenly become more chatty.
When this happens in therapy, I don’t necessarily see it as a problem.
Sometimes becoming more talkative is the mind’s way of returning to cognition because staying with the experience of expansion in the body feels unfamiliar.
Rather than interrupting the conversation, I usually meet my clients where they are before gently inviting their attention back to what they are noticing in their bodies.
How therapy supports this process
One of the things I appreciate about somatic psychotherapy is that we do not force change.
We don’t try to make the body relax.
Instead, we create the conditions for the nervous system to experience expansion without becoming overwhelmed.
Sometimes that means staying with a small sensation of ease for just a few more seconds.
Sometimes it means slowing everything down.
Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing®, often gently says,
“That’s it… that’s it…”
He isn’t encouraging clients to push harder.
He is encouraging the nervous system to remain with this unfamiliar experience of expansion just a little longer.
Little by little, the nervous system begins to discover that it is safe to experience more flexibility.
What resilience really looks like
As people begin experiencing more expansion, something else often changes too.
Their thinking becomes more flexible.
They begin seeing possibilities where previously everything felt fixed.
They recover more easily after difficult moments.
Not because life has become easier.
But because their system has become more flexible.
To me, resilience is not about feeling calm all the time.
It is about flexibility.
A resilient body has rhythm.
It has flow.
It has the capacity to move between contraction and expansion according to what life requires.
My hope is not simply that clients experience this in the therapy room.
It is that they gradually bring this flexibility into their everyday lives, their relationships and the challenges they encounter beyond therapy.
A Gentle Reflection
As you finish reading, perhaps pause for a moment.
Notice your body.
Without trying to change anything…
Can you notice where your body feels more contracted?
Can you notice whether there is even a small area that feels a little more spacious?
There is no need to force expansion.
Perhaps today, it is enough simply to notice.
About the writer
Dominica is the founder of Soulmatics and a body-oriented psychotherapist based in Singapore. She works with adults and young adults navigating trauma, anxiety, burnout, grief and relational challenges, integrating somatic psychotherapy with counselling to support her clients in a therapeutic process that honours the Bodymind. Outside the therapy room, she enjoys drawing and running. You can read more about her here.