Your grief is as unique as your fingerprint.
Coping with the loss of someone, a relationship or something can be challenging. No one can ever fit in your shoes and feel your suffering like you do. Grieving for a loss is completely normal, and there’s no correct way to respond to it.
Grieving is most commonly associated with the demise of a loved one, which can be disheartening for most. However, any kind of loss can cause distress, including a divorce, a breakup, performance failure – and the list goes on and on.
Transitions in life, such as moving away from home, changing jobs, being diagnosed with an illness, or even graduating from college, can bring up a sense of loss in someone.
The journey through grief is always different for all, and everyone has their unique way of grieving. .
Healing happens gradually, and it can not be forced or hurried. There is no “normal” schedule for grieving and no fixed norms or steps to be followed. Some people may start to feel better in weeks or months, while others may take years. Opting for Psychotherapy in Singapore can help people to cope with feelings of experiencing a loss, regardless of their age. It’s crucial to be patient with yourself throughout the journey and allow the process to unfold naturally.
The Five Stages of Grief
According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are five stages of grief. These stages occur in a non-linear pattern, and more than one stage can be seen simultaneously. These steps may not be followed exactly, as other feelings may surface after you thought you were through the stages of grieving. Allowing room to experience grief in your way can help you heal after loss.
Denial
Denial helps minimise the overwhelming pain of separation and loss. The loss feels unreal, and the reality shifts completely. The mind enters the denial phase to adjust to the changed reality. Denial can temporarily protect you from the overwhelming emotions that accompany grieving. Denial not only attempts to pretend that the loss does not exist but also makes the person slowly absorb and understand reality.
Anger
As an individual tries to adjust to a new reality, they will likely experience extreme emotional discomfort that might get channelled into anger. Anger may be a form of expression that expresses the array of implicit mixed emotions. It is completely alright to feel angrier than your usual self and direct your frustrations at others or even towards yourself during the process of grief.
Bargaining
Suffering makes it hard to accept that there is nothing that we can do to change things. Bargaining comes from a feeling of helplessness, and we try to remain in the past, negotiating our way out of the hurt. We tend to focus on our faults or regrets during this stage. We might look back at our interactions with the person we have and note all the times we might have caused them pain. We also sometimes assume that if things had played out differently, we might have influenced a change or created a better result.
Depression
In this stage of grieving, we start to feel the loss of our loved one(s), and the sadness grows abundantly. We might find ourselves being less social, less expressive, and experience feelings of emptiness. Although it’s a very natural stage in the grieving process, dealing with depression can be extremely isolating and one of the most challenging stages.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the last stage of grief. Acceptance does not mean that the person no longer feels the pain. Instead, it signifies that the person is no longer resisting the reality of this situation and is ready to accept the truth. Sadness and regret might still be present in this phase, but the individuals try to accept, move, change, grow and evolve.
How Can You Help Someone Who Is Grieving?
Communication Is The Key
Sharing divides the pain.
Talk to the person and be a good listener. Assure the person that it is completely okay to talk about their feelings. Although you cannot take away their pain, you can provide comfort by listening. Sometimes this is the best thing to offer, and this is all a grieving person needs.
Be Accessible and Available
Be present and available to offer the person a comfortable space to express their grief. Remind them that you’re there for them and they can reach out to you. It would be good to provide understanding and validation if they are not ready yet.
Take Them For A Walk
Sometimes a simple walk can help uplift the mood. Nature can be therapeutic for most. Being out in the open and nature can help the person to feel connected to the present when they have been spending a lot of time thinking about the past.
Treat Them To Their Favourite Food
Grieving can affect a person’s appetite. If you know their favourite food, bring it for them. You can also buy groceries, experiment with new recipes, and cook meals together. This can be an excellent healthier way of coping for the person who is suffering.
Give them a good night’s call.
You can make it a routine to call the bereaved person and talk about their day. Share a positive good night’s thought before you disconnect, so as to to uplift their mood.
Some of us could suffer from traumatic grief which we may not be aware of and it is hard for one to manage the loss alone in such times. You can always see a therapist in Singapore or your home country if things are not working out for you, be it for you or your loved one. Get in touch with Soulmatics at +65 8851 0439 or soulmatics.info@gmail.com to find out how psychotherapy can support you.